People & Their Expiration Date

The other day, a conversation between me and myself triggered a thought in my head. I am back home for the summer and I was contemplating who I should meet up with.

You see, as much as I’d like to meet up with 137 of my Facebook friends who are within driving distance, I don’t have the time and energy to put up with the whole shebang. I lead a nomadic lifestyle where friends come in and out my life so fast that I am almost numb to goodbyes. With the exception of a rare few, I see most of my friends as companions for the different phase I’m in, and when I get past that phase, so will my friends. This got me thinking… Do people in our lives have expiration dates too?

There’s a quote in the film Alex and Emma (2003) that I use to self-medicate myself when I start to miss someone who is no longer in my life. It said,

“There are some things that are nothing more than what they are, they’re not meant to last. They just take their place in your heart and make you a little smarter the next time.”

So to answer my rhetorical question, yes, some people do have an expiration date. They are those who come into your life with a mission to leave you with a valuable lesson, and once the job’s done, there really isn’t any point to drag your relationship further. Like my Statistic professor for example, she taught me that I really have no future in any sort of career that requires quantitative skills. And once I am done with the course, I see no reason for her email to be in my address book.

BUT, for those people who ARE meant to be in your life, you really don’t have to try hard to keep them in your life. In fact, you really don’t have to try at all. Doesn’t matter where you are now, or end up being, they will find a way to crawl back in your life the way chocolate magically appear in my mouth no matter how hard I try to resist them.

And the moral of my little rant is, let things be the way it is. If it’s meant to be, it will be. Of course, I’m not telling you to just go and piss everyone off thinking, “Oh, I don’t have to apologize for my shitty behavior, if it’s meant to be, those people will come back.”

I’m simply telling you is not to cry over split milk, because they are probably expired anyway.

Pride, a measure of one’s success.

Pride, a feeling or deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one’s own achievements, the achievements of those with whom one is closely associated, or from qualities or possessions that are widely admired.

Also, an intangible asset that we can never seem to have enough of. It makes us do crazy things, going to great lengths to please people we seek acceptance from.

Oh you know what I’m talking about….

Your not-so-close college mate who you have not seen for what seemed like a long time, comes in town for a short visit, you make sure your apartment is spotless so she has nothing but good reviews when she reports back to the other college mates you are not so close with. Then after cleaning your ass off for the entire day, making the place unrealistically spotless, you claim that “it’s really messy”, only to expect a “Oh are you kidding me, this place looks great!” response.

Or how you have to have the “I-got-it-altogether-pretty-well” look when you go back to your high school reunion. You haven’t seen these people in years. Yet, for that one night, you get all dressed up with a big fake smile and only brag about the good things that have happened since your high school graduation, just to prove to the people you won’t meet again for probably another 15 years that you are not a failure.

The very same reason why social sites exist in the first place.

Okay, sure, you can go all fact-checker on me and argue that Zuckenberg made Facebook to keep us all ‘connected’. But how many people need to know so much details from one person.

Do we really need to know that the friend we met once at music camp got a Chanel bag as her Christmas gift? Do we really need to know our pilates instructor had French toast for brunch?

Yes, I need to know what you have for lunch.

Okay, just in case you don’t have a sarcastic bone in you, I was being sarcastic. No! We don’t need all these insufficient information about people we barely know. Yet an average 21-st generation human being spends at least 2 hrs of their day scrolling through all these useless information to feel bad about themselves.

How you might ask?

Well, we do this thing where we conform to another being’s behavior. When you see someone having all sort of luxury when you don’t have your own, you start to reflect on all the things you DON’T and should have. Then, wanting to fit in, you go through great lengths to find something you can be proud of too. Everyone is guilty of this, including me.

I miss the good ol’ days where I don’t have to worry about having my picture taken with the same outfit on. Days when I could wear my favorite green chiffon top to meet different cliques of friends on the same week. Now, once a photo was taken with that outfit, I have to wait till at least 3 more months before I could pull it out again. Or else, I will be known as “the girl who wears the same shirt everyday”, because that’s how it looks like on my Facebook portfolio.

There. I said it. We now live in a generation where pride is the ultimate measure of our own success in our heads. Or a 400-dollar worth of a plain white t-shirt with an ugly logo wouldn’t exist today.

Instagraming My Life Away

I assume everyone is familiar with this little modern day device called the “smartphone” right? Well I’m here to tell you, it ruined the conventional way of living. gasp

With smartphones came with this little utility called Wi-Fi or 4G that allow us to stay connected with people all over the world at the click of our fingertips. “Stay connected” what does that really mean? Well, in the society today, it means sharing every single crap we do with everyone.

Okay, let’s not blame the Internet for this. Let’s blame the social websites.

The last time I recall NOT having to take pictures of every single thing I’m doing/eating/seeing is when I was home schooled. Most of the time is spent with my family. Since we are always doing the same things, like going to our favorite restaurants or watching movies, I don’t see the point of taking pictures. I remember being contented with our routine family outings. Then one day, everything changed. The day when I created an Instagram account.

Scrolling through all these exotic food and places my friends went to, I can’t help it but feel jealous. That feeling sucks. You look like a boring, sad little person who has no life just because you don’t have any glorious memories to brag. You hear whispers about being a loser coming from the other side of your peer’s phone screen. You feel judged. Of course, the truth is, no one can give a damn about your social activity.

From that point on, I order pretty-looking food instead of my favorite dish. Even when I’m starving, I have to wait just for 5 more minutes to get that perfect angled picture of that dish. I go to famous landmarks only to look at my phone screen. I spend half the time at night wondering why no one liked my poached egg picture. Suddenly it became less about creating the memory but capturing the memory.

Sure, it is awesome to look over the old pictures, but all you could remember about that place is how you squat down to get a low angle of the Empire State building. So yes, I blame Instagram, Facebook and other photo sharing apps that I don’t know about. Oh don’t get me started on Twitter.

Yes… I’ve said all these things, but am I gonna stop using the apps and start deactivating my accounts? OF COURSE NOT, YOU CRAZY?

But I am gonna try to limit my use. Most importantly, I’ll try my best to actually have fun on my vacations instead of just making it seem like I’m having fun.

Happy Spring Break! 🙂

Are You Talking About Me?

You know how after a break up, every time a love song comes on, you will feel like that song is talking about you?

Well, that’s what I’m feeling right now, except it’s not talking about love.

__________________________________________

Frustrated about having to unintentionally eavesdrop on the conversation between a couple of brats, talking about how horrible their life “supposably” is, I pulled the bus line and got down to the only place I can hear my head voice clearly- the library.

Ironically, the library is the one place where I can’t study in. That voice in my head get so loud that it makes it hard to focus on what’s in front of me, not to mention the temptation of going through the racks and racks of weird books, cd and dvd collection in there.

Anywho…

I’m just going through my usual routine of browsing over the DVD collection, but since I was feeling a little spontaneous and “adventurous” today, I’ve decided to check out the books section.

I’m 100% sure I still have an okay vision because I don’t have to squint my eyes in my lectures, but it seems like every single book on the shelves are either titled “doubt”, “self-doubt” or “the power of not knowing”. Terrified, I went to the audio books collection to take a break from that weird illogical coincidence. And whatdaya know, “DOUBTS” and “LOW SELF ESTEEM” titles came up again.

Geeez!

I feel so weirded out. It’s like somehow the universe is trying to tell me something. Fine I do admit, my self confidence level is not exactly at its peak right now, and things are shaky, but it’s normal right?

So the moral of the lesson is, no matter how much you try to cover up what you’re afraid of, and lie about to everyone else, you can’t lie to yourself. Because somehow, it will come back to haunt you and eventually you just have to deal with it….

*sigh* I know, life’s a beech.

Okay, FIINNE, when I came out of that book section, I realize that I was in the “Psychology/Self Motivation” section. So there is a logical explanation after all.

BUT IT WILL SOUND SO MUCH COOLER IF I WASN’T!

PS. I wrote a song about it, check it out here! 😀

Being a Guest.

Since I move around a lot, I have gotten used to the nomadic lifestyle. Adapting is easier than belonging.

In the car ride home today, my dad triggered this emotion that I had managed to lock out so well. Maybe it is a good thing that I can feel at ease at wherever I go but at the same time it is rather depressing that I have no place to call home.

I remember I wrote a song last year called “Passer Going By”, because that’s exactly what I am. I am always guest-starring in other people’s life. I just have this temporary role. If my life story is published as a book, that would be the fitting title for it.

I don’t mean that the place I am right now is lacking the “homey” feeling. What I get from it is that ,”Oh yeah this is great but I shouldn’t get too attached to it because I’m gonna have to say goodbye to it one day anyway.” The same problem lies with the people I surround myself with. Besides my family, I look at other people as if they are gonna be the future strangers. I guess I never dare to give too much, because I feel like, oh what’s the point in that?

I really don’t know how to end this blog post, but what I can say is that I wish that one day, I hope to find someone other than my family to call home. 🙂

Girls and Ball Games.

Recently I overheard a conversation between two women. One shriek in excitement, “The 49-ers won!” The other one who is a widow said, “I haven’t been watching baseball games ever since Frank passed away. Thank god I don’t need to anymore.”

See, watching the games on TV has slowly become a trend. Although, we don’t acknowledge it but we all know it is. For guys, it’s a norm. Girls, unless they have an inner jock within themselves, they are just watching it for the sake of watching it. We, humans, always want to fit in. Be in the loop. We just don’t want to feel left out.

For me, I am just frustrated by people spending two to three hours of their time watching a bunch of dudes fighting over a ball. Be it, a white baseball, a muddy soccer ball or an oval shaped maroon football. (Yes, the above is my very girly description of each ball).

However, a few weeks ago, I caught myself tweeting about the scores of the game. (I am so caught up by the fact that I’m watching a sports game, I forgot what sport I was watching.) Terrified by the thought of turning into one of those girls, I deleted that tweet. I am not the only one though; my Facebook home page is flooded with the score updates from my friends who know absolutely nothing about the sport. They start getting all giddy and giving each other virtual * high fives * to each other.

There is nothing wrong with it, really. Its good to be in the know. And I must admit there are perks of watching these games.

Those baseball tees and oversized jerseys, they look super cute with boots and extra layering. This is a great conversation starter and plus, which guy doesn’t want a girl with a tad bit knowledge about sports?

Hire a Teenager While They Still Know Everything

Ever heard of that saying? No?

I first heard of this saying from my English professor. You know, words, they mean a lot. Sometimes we tend to underestimate how powerful they are. Because of this saying, it triggers a thought in my head.

As we grow older, we start to see the world for what it is, and not for what our parents made up. From an innocent flower from a protected bubble, we finally grew out of it and now we have relocated to a sidewalk in New York city. Yes, the flowers that no one cares about.

You see, as I grow older, I feel like the more I learn, the less I know.

It’s ironic, really. When we are teenagers, (I mean, technically I still am, but I have the mind and soul of a 21 year old), we seem to have it all figured out. Grades, good enough for our parents not to nag about. Love life, I’m texting this dude that puts a winky emoticon after every line. Friends, I got one and that’s all I need.

As we grew older everything is different, suddenly everything seems to matter. Grades, good but not good enough to get me a job? Love life, I’m 25, and I’m still single?! What’s wrong with me?! Friends, WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT ONE FRIEND?!

See, so don’t blame yourself if your confidence is a little shaky now and then. It’s not us that is at fault. It’s the pressure and responsibilities that come with our age. We have no choice but to embrace it.

Oh guys, a word of advice: Don’t bother lying about your age because eventually, our body will reveal the secret. Just enjoy your current age for what it is. Life gets better as you figure it out.

5 things I learn about college life.

1. Ways to avoid giving people your number. (I learn this the hard way)

I obviously won’t reveal the information here otherwise my secret is out!

2. There is no point dressing to impress everyday.

You will only go to college at the time when you’re suppose to, so when there is no cute girls/boys/teacher you need to impress, just put on a normal tee and jeans. Because frankly, nobody cares.

3. Bumping into people you know doesn’t mean you will have lunch together.

This only applies to high school students people.

4. Memorising your friend’s schedule will come in handy.

This is not only because you know when they are free for lunch, you also know when you can borrow their textbook. (Hint: Ashley)

Last but definitely not least (very crucial to your social life):

*this rule mainly applies to guys.

5. If you come off TOO friendly or creepy, you are immediately classified into the stalker category.

You wanna keep your distance man or people are just gonna be like “Oh are you stalking me now?”. You think they are kidding but they are not. They will start making efforts to avoid you.

This is solely from my personal observation, do you agree?

What are we gonna talk about ten years later?

So I went to a regular drama filled high school before I moved back to my hometown and got home-schooled to focus on my dreams of becoming a rockstar. Yeah, pretty cool huh?

I recently just came back to the country that I pretty much had my childhood in. Yes, I’m not revealing where that is in case I have any potential stalkers (haha! Yeah right, dream on dude.)
So then, I of course asked out all my girlfriends that I used to hang with. (see what I did there, I used the teenager slang! YAY ME!) I was kinda disappointed though, coz like I’m the one visiting but I’m the one who invites people to go out instead of the other way around. I dunno, I guess I just wasn’t as popular as I thought I was back then! Hahhaha! No seriously, I wasn’t really popular in high school but not a loser either. (I must say, I’m pretty proud of that. XD)

So I haven’t seen some of them in like 2 years, so you can expect a lot of awkwardness between us. But I was determined to see them coz I know that next year is a turning point for like everyone. Everyone’s gonna go their separate ways, to college, uni or whatsoever, it’s just gonna be the same anymore.

I just came home from hanging out with a friend that I was really close with back in 7th grade. We had our differences, you know cat fights and all, but we remained friends just not close ones. 🙂

I met her up and at first it was like really awkward.

“So what’s going on with you?”
“Nothing much, just same old. Stayed in the same school since first grade. How’s your life back in there?”
“It’s good. You know I learned a lot but I really miss high school..”
Then its blah blah blah blah blah.

By the time we’re out of the restaurant, we already ran out of things to say!
I was thinking like “Uh oh, not another awkward hang out!”
And so we decided to watch a movie instead, but just our luck that the line was super long and only the front row seats are left.

So I suggested we go for fro-yo and chat. Yeap there was a brief moment when I thought it was a bad idea but no, luckily I just went with my instinct. We talk and reminisce. Then there was like a mutual agreement that we ran out of things to say coz we led very different lives. When we were saying goodbye, she asked when are we gonna meet again. I have no idea how long that would be but I just told her probably ten years later. I wonder what we are gonna talk about then…? hmmm??

 

Oh yeah I totally forgot!!
Merry Christmas and a happy new year!! 😀
I feel like everyone is blogging about that so I decided to change it up a bit.
I hope everyone is surrounded with love, joy and happiness. Most importantly, I hope everyone will have a good way of ending the year 2011.

Cheers,
Eunice. 🙂

 

I feel happier when my laptop’s sleeping.

Ohhh the good old days when I’m just an innocent girl holding balloons in one hand and ice cream on the other.

Nope, that’s no longer the case.

Okay so nowadays, teenagers, okay slash that, everyone can’t seem to survive or function properly without the internet. Well, I agree. But also, it made the world so much more complicated. You know the cliche, cyber-bully, identity-theft, credit-card frauds and all that. But I experienced none of that, so why am I still so gloomy? I experienced something that I’m sure a lot of other people did too but I don’t think there’s a name for it yet. Or I’m just too out-dated that I don’t even know the name for it.

Hmmm, let me put it this way, I’ve experienced a whole new virtual competitiveness.

How so?

Okay, First there’s facebook pictures. For ex, if I’m not invited to a party, I sure as hell won’t miss the highlights! Why? My facebook homepage will be flooded with pictures of people having fun, status updates every second of what’s happening every minute. And well that is a very gratifying feeling you have, that is, if you are the one posting the pictures! On the other end of the laptop screen, teenagers are coming up with reasons and reasons of why they are not being invited to the party. “What did I do wrong?”, “Am I the only one not there?”, “Am I that invisible?”

So there is this newer thing called Twitter that came out after FB. Yea its fine.. Not much difference to facebook really.. but oh look at that, the updates are constant. Facebook sometimes are overcrowded with pictures or videos but Twitter filters all that. It’s just words.

Recently, well not so recently actually, there’s a new feature called the “Check-in” I suppose. I personally think that feature is really, mmm, mind-blowing, and I meant that without any good intention with it. I just don’t get the point of telling people where you are all the time! I think it’s just another silly way to grab people’s attention.

So you see, I’m a sad little girl over here.

The girl that’s on the other end of the laptop.
Scrolling through those picture perfect photo frames on my laptop while my mind is off wondering when will I get to be a part of the picture.

No, don’t get me wrong. I’m not unpopular. I chose this. I chose to leave school. I chose to have singing and guitar classes while my friends are hanging out in the mall. I chose to reject my friend’s invitation to stay home and write songs instead.
All I hope for is that, one day, all this will be worth it. 🙂